Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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