im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Actions speak louder than pants.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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