and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
