lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
