Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They have beer where we have blood.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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