The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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