We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
