i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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