you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize