She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
