Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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