apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
