i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
