So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
