Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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