dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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