It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize