the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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