he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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