Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Text me some of your sweat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
