Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
