you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
