I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
