He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
