I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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