we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
