I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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