We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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