I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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