Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
