ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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