It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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