Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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