Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
