I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
