Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
