Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
