4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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