Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
