This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
