and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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