theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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