singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
