Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
