My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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