wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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