Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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