You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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