i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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