Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
