I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
