for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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