1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
