My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
