i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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