My nipple is on Facebook.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
