I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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