so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
