tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
