my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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