white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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