I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Welp...herpes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
